Heaven Vs Hell
by BoneBanditKonner
Summary: Heaven and Hell are at war and Cartman is an Angel. Kenny doesn't like the idea.
1. Ken McCormick

I am Kenny McCormick. I am the leader of the "Army of the Heavens". I lead Angels against Satan (formally Lucifer).

"NO!" I said to him. "Him". The Holy One. "He has changed, Kenneth." Said God. "I don't believe it." I spat at him. "He is an Angel now, Kenneth." God said, "He has changed."

After a long silence:

"Lucifer was an Angel, too."

God toke this as a hit below the belt, "And now he is going to try and make us disappear up our own asshole!" I yell, anger rising.

"Kenneth, he has changed. And how dare you question your savior. The one who gives you live every time you die!" God said, getting louder with every word.

"Eric Cartman will never change." I said to him.

I know Eric can't change. It's not like him. God maybe wrong, he may have made a few mistakes. Like making me immortal.

That is why I came here. I was, at first, an overseer in the human making line and then I got a job as trident maker for the Angels in the beginnings of the war.

I made such good tridents; I was promoted to designer and made the famous "Neptune" series. The rarest of which is my battle trident the "Neptune A-21: Poseidon", it is regarded as the greatest trident ever made.

I am now the "The Angel Keeper". I recruit Angels and lead the new recruits to battle. I also keep other Angels in check and can discharge any unless God disapproves.

That's what happened with Cartman. So, unless I have good reason, I can discharge him.

God knows I am gonna be hard on him, but, I am on everybody.

I just hope we can win this war without using the final weapon.


	2. Eric Cartman Angel

I am an outcast.

Keeper McCormick is up my ass about being a new Angel. I got to have him for a unit leader, so I am going to be with him for the rest of the year (p.s it is November 13, 2010).

God, I feel like a dick. I am making tension between Ken and God, and maybe he will take away Kenny's immortally. But just being with the Angels got him a free house in Heaven.

_Say your prayers, little one_

_Don't forget my son,_

_To include everyone_

The song lyrics thumped in Cartman's head. He felt like head banging. But he didn't want to risk brain damage.

_Knock Knock_.

I got up answer the door. It was Keeper McCormick. "Hello, Kenny" I said. "Don't call me that anymore, Cartman." Kenny said.

"Well if you're going to be a dick, fuck off!" I said, I was about to shut the door when Ken put his foot in. "Cartman. You fuck off." Said Ken and kicked me in the nuts "What the hell!" I said.

Let the beat down begin.

In the end, I don't know who was worse. But I do know that Kenneth McCormick, set me up.

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

I am in the hospital. I feel like shit. Ken set me straight for a discharge. The low-life, under-handed bitch.

But I got a mission.

I got to break-out and get to God before Kenny.

If I get there first, I will not get discharged and Ken will get sent to Hell for sure.

Little did I know then, someone else would be in the cards today.


	3. Stan Marsh GOD

I am Stanley Marsh

Smart and cool

School Quarterback

I am as sexy as you could hope to be.

So why the hell am I here? In Hell?

A fucker named God! That's why! I am going to rip him limb for fucking limb! I will drench Heaven in blood! Every Angel will fall before me and call me God and all my friends and family will go home to their rightful place: South Park. But first,

I will have kill God.

No.

I am not killing God.

**I AM GOD.**

This is just some other asshole begging for a fucked up beating.

God will pay.

He will pay the fine of killing all that is dear to me.

But it is not fully his fault.

First, Kyle died. Then, Kenny died. After that, Cartman died. After THAT my mom died. And then, my father died. He took them from me and once I kill him, his world will begin anew. It will not be Heaven. It will be Sanitarium. And after I am done with God, Lucifer is dead, too for putting me though this shit.

These fuckers will pay for their crimes against me.

They will pay dearly.


	4. Ken, Cartman and The Warzone

CARTMAN:

Kenny can't run! If he goes to God and says that I attacked him first, I got enough shit on him to send him on a one way train to HELL!

But Plan A is going to God. But wait! Oh my God! It's Satan. No! It's not Satan

It's Stan!

WARZONE:

The Easy Angel unit was on the flank and was hit hard by The Badass Demon unit. Guns and lightning bolts were everywhere! The Demons were on the run when the air strike was called. It was accidental. By the time the air strike hit, The Demons were dieing fast and this killed all of them and some Angels.

KEN:  
I need to get to God. If Cartman gets to God first, I am in Hell. God doesn't like gay people. And if he gets me,

He gets Kyle.

And God knows he hates Kyle.

But I need to get to God and discharge him before a certain fatass. He passed though downtown Heaven and slid though the slimy back alleys and ran though lawns to get to God's office.

I got there first.

And then… BANG! Right in my shoulder. Cartman shot me and was now beating the shit out of me. I can't get up, I am bleeding more blood than water I've drank my entire life.

"You piece of shit, mutherfucker! Trying to beat the shit out of me and blame it on myself! You fucker! I told God! You're going to Hell and so is Kyle!" Cartman was all the while beating me up.

"Cartman. I am gay and I love Kyle. So you're just going to have to fucking deal with it!" Is said to him and then busted the walnuts between hi legs. "Piece of shit" Cartman muttered. "I know you are." I spat back.

Cartman kicked the back of my knee and I dropped instantly. But he was close enough to give an elbow in the face to Cartman in return. And then I got a knee to the back and was punched in the face. I popped him in the stomach and hit his nose with all my force.

A bloody nose got him to stop the shitty fight.

"God!" I yell into the room.

I see Kyle kissing God.

My heart broke in two.

I wanted to die.


	5. Lovers for Life

Ash to Ash,

Dust to Dust

Fade to Black

KEN:

"Kenny it's not what you think!" Kyle said trying to convince me. "Then what the hell is it Kyle? Huh?" I said to him, holding back tears. "It's…" I stopped Kyle short, stabbing him with a knife.

He pulled it out and said, "See you in hell, asshole!" and stabbed me. "I'm immortal, Kyle." And pulled out the knife and stabbed God, then I got shot in the head by Cartman.

CARTMAN:

Now with Kenny, Kyle AND God out of the picture, I can rule this shithole. "Not so fast fatass!" said a voice from behind me.

"Stanley, how nice for you to join us" I said, kicking Kyle's body out of the way so he (Stan) could sit down. "How have you been, Stan?" I asked him in a causal tone. "Don't talk fuck bag. I am here to kill you!" Stan said, pulling out a gun. "Oh, I am so scared!" I said sarcastically, "I die you die, too." pulling out my own gun.

We sat there for a while.

"You want to know everything, Stan?" I asked, "You want to know why your parents died? Put away your gun and I will tell you everything." "Alright, fatass." And he dropped his gun.

"It was all me, Stan" I started, "I arranged your parents' and your friends' deaths all by myself. No one ever guessed. I fooled God, Stan. I fucking fooled God. And if you don't think that is enough, I killed him, too! I am the new God! You wanna know how I arranged all these deaths? Well it was simpler than you might think Stan Marsh. All I had to do was arrange a beating of all your friends and your parents. Then I could send in assassins to finish the job, because mercy killing is legal! If I lived and they connected it to me, I would only be nabbed for 5 counts of assault! I was in the clear. But I had to arrange my own death to make sure my plan didn't fall though. By the way, your parents and friends begged for death."

"You fucker!" Stan said to me.

"It was a simple plan, Stan"

"I am going to kill you!" said Stan reaching for his gun.

I was too quick for him,

I shot him in the chest.

"F-fucker, Cartman." said Stan, dieing. "Go to Hell, Stan, and stay there for the rest of your fucked up life!" I said to him. "Your coming with me, bitch!" Stan said shooting me.

"Damn you Stan!!!" I said to him.

"Well I'm breaking all the rules. Since I'm going to Hell!" said Stan.

KYLE:

Why? I kissed God to get me and Kenny out of Hell so we could always be together. But Kenny just killed me. Why doesn't Kenny love me anymore? It just doesn't make sense! I got to go find him!

So I went though the entirety of Hell and found him on the side of Lake O' Lava.

"Kenny?" I ask him. "What do you want?" Kenny asked. "I love you, Kenny." I said to him. Kenny seemed surprised. "No you don't!" Kenny said, "You hate me. You used me to get to God!"

"I did that so we could get the hell outta Hell!" I said to him

"I do love you, Kenny" I said to him.

Kenny got up and looked at me.

"Why?" He asked me.

"I don't know. I just know I love you more than anyone else." I said to him.

"I…I-I love you, too, Kyle" Kenny said and my heart soared into the stratosphere.

Next thing I knew his lips were on mine.


	6. Armageddon

They released IT

The weapon that Ken feared

The last resort in the war

It was…

ARMAGEDDON

KEN:

The Earth is going to be reborn.

But why now?

I just found out that Kyle loves me.

Why now?

Why Armageddon?

"McCormick, the front is down! We've lost the war!" said Sgt. Jones

"We still got a chance at a hopefully swift win! If we pull out "Operation: Hell on Earth". But that is our only chance." I said to Jones. "Try and pull that shit up with God. Sanitarium has lost."

JUST TO FILL YOU ALL IN:

Stanley Marsh broke into God's office and killed the last God, Eric Cartman. Cartman was only God for 7 hours and was planning on making Heaven a peaceful and very prosperous place.

Enter Stanley.

His parents' and friends' death arranged by none other than God himself, Eric was shot that night.

Eric supporters were killed, too and the rest went into hiding. But some say that Eric wasn't killed, but wounded. Because The Coon protected Heaven and made the citizens feel safe.

Heaven was then Sanitarium and the army was made stronger and better, but after that, the front went down and God is refusing to pull "Operation: Hell on Earth".

The military plan a Coup (pronounced "koo") and it then went into effect and Kyle Brofloski was made God. But the White Angels (The people's military) began to arrange another coup.

Konner McCormick (Ken's long lost brother) became leader and he refuses to pull "Hell on Earth".

KEN:

"Konner, you've got to! People are dieing and if we don't bring this war to Earth, we will all die." I said to my brother.

"Kenny, if we bring this to Earth, we still may lose." My naïve brother said.

"Pull the trigger, Konner. Just do it. The Bible foresaw this as destiny! We lost got to roll with it or else, we will surely lose this war that has been going on for 13 long years. You are so afraid of change that you won't even turn the name back from Sanitarium to Heaven!" I said fiercely to my brother.

After a long silence, "Alright, Commander, commence operation 'Hell on Earth'"

"Sir, yes, sir!" I said to my brother happily.

00000000000000000000000000000

"We got permission! Operation: Hell on Earth is a go!" I said to my unit.

"Sir, yes, sir!" they all said.

WARZONE:

The operation started with plagues and basically Hell on Earth and I the midst of all the chaos, we broke into Hell's HQ and claimed it for Heaven. Konner even went out for battled, being shot down in the process. Eric came back and won over 2 bases by himself and was awarded a Bronze Star for bravery and a Purple Heart for being shot in the ass. Ken McCormick won the Medal of Honor, Silver and Bronze Star and 2 Purple Hearts for being shot in the left arm and shot in the right thigh.

The late Konner McCormick won The Medal of Honor for being God and going into battle and was awarded the Purple Heart 7 times over for being shot by the enemy 7 times. He came back later that week to accept the medals.

Everyone's memory was erased was sent back to live there normal lives. The boys were sent back to 4th grade to live.

They went to the bus stop.

"Sup guys" said Cartman

"Sup fatass." They all said.

Kenny went home to see that medals were all over his bed.

"That was one shit of a war"


End file.
